Heal Your Self Excerpts

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In this page:

1. How People Relate to Us
2. What Do You Think Of Yourself?
3. Claiming Power
4. Problems vs Symptoms of Problems


 

1. How People Relate to Us (Perception: Chapter 28)

Our beliefs create perceptions, which dictate how we perceive, judge, accept, and act towards ourselves and all those we come into contact with. It is as though we put on a set of perceptual glasses.

Many of us go through life believing the outside world controls our lives, people do things ‘to’ us, and are out to get us.

Everything comes from within! There is nothing outside us!

You might think that doesn’t make sense and say:
“I know they love to push my buttons.”
“It’s their fault. They prevent my success.”

Think about this: We’re in the grocery store and see a good friend. They see us and then bow their head and walk in the opposite direction. What would we think?

They don’t want to talk to me, or don’t like me.

We worry that we have done something to offend them and think, what have I done wrong? Automatically assuming it is our responsibility, our fault that they don’t want to talk to us. We assume that everyone’s behavior relates to us, when in fact their behavior relates to them and our behavior relates to us.

Bring this back to you:

  1. Think of times when you didn’t feel sociable, avoided people, or cancelled invitations. Times when worry and preoccupation made you moody.
  2. List each one in your journal; note how you felt, what you were worried about, and the eventual outcome.
  3. Why do you occasionally avoid social interactions?

Were any of these events related to anyone outside you? No. They were related to how you felt and reacted to those feelings.

Now we can come back to our friend in the grocery store and think of a realistic explanation for their behavior. Maybe they felt unwell, unsure of themselves, or didn’t have the money to repay their debt. For some reason, this person felt unable to make contact with another human being. How sad.

Can you feel compassion for them, instead of worrying what is wrong with you?

  1. For one week……..

 

2. Reflections (Perception: Chapter 28)

When we hold certain beliefs about ourselves, our behaviors are affected. The undeserving person acts unworthy, and the unloved person acts unlovable. We radiate to the world what we think of ourselves and act as if they will treat us this way. Of course they comply.

Examples include people pushing in front of us, employers treating us less favorably, being taken advantage of by friends, and family bossing us around.

Jenny’s mother constantly told her that she was hopeless. She grew up knowing that she couldn’t do anything right. There was something wrong with her.

As an adult Jenny second-guessed herself, worried that she would do everything wrong, which was the usual result. Life was difficult. People pushed Jenny around because she acted helpless.

One day Jenny decided to look into this issue. She followed the feeling back to when her mother reprimanded her constantly as a child. Not only did Jenny release the belief that she was a failure, but also learned that she did nothing to deserve her mother’s comments, and most importantly she came to the realization that there was nothing wrong with her.

Jenny transformed into a confident person. People responded to the transformation by respecting her and asking for her advice.

You can choose what to believe of yourself, therefore how you act and the people around you react.

  1. For one day …..

 

3. Claiming Power (Difficult Lives: Chapter 31)

If I told you to take control of your life and that you can do or be anything, what would be your reaction? Would you believe it or not? If not, why?

You might think I can’t do it. What does that mean? That you can’t create a good life for yourself, take control, or undertake the necessary actions?

I have a surprise for you. You already create everything in your life! The poverty, unhappiness, and failure, all of it! If you are already creating your reality, what is the difference in focusing on a different reality? None! The only difference is changing from one who feels apathy and lack of control to one who wants to manifest their heart’s desires.

Why aren’t you strong enough to be in control of your own life? It’s yours, no one else’s. Why do you hand your power over to other people?

Do you believe the universe or a higher power determines what we can and cannot have? Do you believe they’ll abandon you or somehow be outraged if you take back control of your own life?

If you don’t want to remain in this situation do something about it. It is your choice. Find your issues, feel and listen for their stories, release, heal, and claim control of your life!

  1. Find and release….

 

4. Problems vs Symptoms of Problems (Working with this Book: Chapter 3)

The issue you “think” creates the situation is not always the one you need to work on.

Take love for example, a person continually searches for love. Thinking if I can only find someone to love me, everything will be perfect. But what if the painful memory of their last relationship keeps stirring up a fear of being hurt again?

How can they expect to participate in a loving relationship while feeling these fears? Instead of being the topic to focus on, love becomes the trigger to push them into searching for the real issue (past hurts) to resolve so they can have love.

Emotions are another example, you try your hardest to harness overwhelming anger by attending anger management classes and deliberately shoving the anger inside, without success.

Anger is an emotional response “to” something. It won’t cease until the underlying cause is addressed—abuse, neglect, discrimination, or some other form of bad treatment.

Being able to say you are hurt, sad, angry, or upset “because” of something proves the emotion is a symptom and not the actual problem—even if you aren’t aware of the reason.

Emotions are triggers that lead us to the underlying problem.

Symptoms of problems:

  • Mind chatter
  • Painful emotions
  • Anger
  • Hurt
  • Guilt
  • Sadness
  • Stress
  • Phobias, fear, anxiety
  • Failure, depression, poor self esteem
  • Self-destructive behaviors
  • Relationship issues
  • Financial difficulties
  • Dramatic situations
  • Difficult lives

Problems:

  • Childhood memories
  • Abuse & neglect
  • Loss
  • Adoption
  • Dysfunctional beliefs
  • Painful memories
  • Stored emotional pain
  • Habits
  • Assumptions
  • Thinking life controls you